Second chances

The Talmud tells us that a man who's been married twice receives his first wife based on a direct  initiative from Heaven whereas the second one is "assigned" based on his character traits.

This statement is not easy to understand literally. It's often the other way around, also most people get married only once.

The decision regarding a marriage precedes the birth of future spouses and is related to their souls which their bodies receive at birth in order to affect a union that existed when the souls were up in Heaven, at G-d's throne, awaiting their mission.

There's  the principle that everything in the Universe (except for G-d) has  a partner. These partners constructively interact with each other to fulfill their roles assigned to them in this world.

And  if a child turns out to be a wonderful human being inidcates that his parents  were kindred souls.  

That's why when a man is unmarried, he's considered unfulfilled and only when a man and a woman unite in marriage do they become  "one flesh" and their souls can interact in full measure in their intended marital union. 

When souls are incompatible, it's reflected in the children born of such marriages. In order to prevent this from happening, G-d decrees which man will marry which woman, i.e. those with compatible souls.

Nevertheless, since people have free will, the body in which any given soul resides, may lose that compatibiity if either the amn or the woman didn't develop and mature appropriately as was their potential when their souls were assigned to their respective bodies.

The higher justice won't allow a morally superior soul to be eternally burdened with an inferior soul. 

The bodies where souls are placed may forfeit their relatedness. It can happen that a man who, for instance, has not fulfilled the Heaven's expectations, has his originally intended bride reassigned to someone more worthy.  That's what's called a "second" or "revised" match. The Talmud views such a  match as based on a person's actions.

This is perhaps why the Sages refer to a man as constantly searching for his lost item. There's a woman that was intended for him from birth but he then subsequently loses his rights for her. When that man corrrects his actions, she again may become slated for him.

In order that that intended woman is not forever cut off from that man due to his insufficiencies, there exists a possibility to find her again if the man sufficiently mends his ways. Such a reshuffling, however, can only be done by  G-d.  Although a person is free to act as he sees fit, G-d, in His omniscience, knows his actions a priori. He may then assign that woman initially to someone who is destined to live a reduced amount of time instead of to her true intended

When that first husband passes away, that widow becomes available to her original intended after he regains his right to be her husband.

It is such a situation that is hinted at in the Ecclesiastes - " who can find a wife of valor whose worth is above gold...". who can be sure that his sins won't lead to his loss of his intended? How can one find her again? Hoew can one be sure that his sins won't lead to him forfieting  his true intended who instead becomes someone else's wife? What good deeds must one accomplish in order to return his lost kindred soul?

"A price above pearls..." means that she cannpt be forever "sold" to her current husband. She is only given to him "on loan" until such time that her intended husband rectifies himself and becomes worthy of her. 

Even initially, a person cannot marry a "woman of valor" without paying a high price measuerd in good deeds that need to be accomplished. But if he happens to lose her, the price goes up.

(Based on Alshich's commentary to the Book of Ecclesiastesв)

Original here